access to my site... feeling a little invaded. how ironic that i leave this on the world wide web... and i feel violated when someone who lives in the same house as me reads it. lol... well, it's ok. last entry for www.xanga.com/surrendertoyouryen

starting new elsewhere. where? idk... lol.

last night... as my bf and i were fighting, calvin IMs me. he tells me that he's been thinking about this for quite a bit of time now, but hasn't said anything to me about it. summarized, he said:

Calvin: WaiSau, I think any guy is very lucky to have you. Not the short term ones or flings. You treat those guys like shit. But the long term ones are so lucky. You are good to them.

he said something along those lines... isn't that the sweetest thing ever?

i guess things don't ever work out the way you think they will... or hope they would at least. i asked if i should leave and i got no response, so i did. i wasn't sure if that was the end, so i asked if this is how we were going to leave it, but again... nothing absolute came of it. if its not the end, it feels like the end.

When I broke my hand and stopped working last year... I spent like crazy. My house always had FedEx or UPS or some sort of postal truck coming to drop off all different kinds of packages. It was like Christmas everyday at my house, lol. I never knew what was going to be in any of the packages. Now that I am no longer working... I think it's happening again. My white goose down comforter and duvet cover came today... with my new computer... and monitor, and the 2 memory cards... I got all giddy and wanted to sit and play with the stuff instead of meet Phillip to study for my calc midterm, BUT I went. lol...

BTW-- anyone want a job at nextag? let me know.